Saint Gregory dari Nyssa: Sebuah paparan Edward Hallinan

Paparan ini pertama kali saya dengar ketika dibacakan oleh penulisnya, Edward Hallinan, saat saya mengikuti program enam bulan pertama di Beshara School, Skotlandia. Dari awal dibacakan hingga akhir, saya luruh.

Edward membawakan paparan tersebut layaknya seorang pecinta yang tengah membacakan surat cinta tentang dan untuk sang kekasih, dengan segala keberadaan dan kerinduan yang teramat sangat.

Hingga sekarang pun, setiap saya merindu untuk bisa ‘mendengar’, saya memutar ulang rekaman paparan tersebut.

Sekitar satu minggu yang lalu, saya tergerak untuk menerjemahkan paparan yang demikian indah ini. Entah kenapa dan entah dari mana ide tersebut muncul. Mungkin bukan saat dan tempatnya bagi saya bertanya kenapa. Rasanya ada pesan yang ingin, perlu, dan mendesak untuk didengar — oleh saya; oleh kita semua.

Tentu, apa yang saya tulis ini masih bisa terus disempurnakan.

Semoga dapat didengar dan dinikmati sebagaimana mestinya.

I can only tell you what I hear

There we were once again. Entangled in the never-ending conversation (lucky me!) about what to do in life. How to be. That everlasting question of what our role is in the Universe.

Sometimes I wonder whether we would get tired of asking these questions and start being – or perhaps the asking is part of the being, part of the becoming. Anyway, back to the storyline.

“You are a consultant. You provide counsel,” you commented.

“Yeah, well, in what, though?” I responded, with that all-too-familiar fleeting doubt for self. A lightning response from the head.

“In a lot of things. In anything,” you said, lightly and confidently. There was some truth in what you said. You made sense. As always. You made sense to me.

I let your response seep below the superficial intricate labyrinth of thoughts. I could feel an interior change of gear. A more genuine response surfaced.

“I can only tell you what I hear,” I heard myself saying, with intent.

That response stays with me even until today. Continue reading

Conversing the tree

P1030345I looked towards your direction, partly out of instinct, partly – truth be told – out of boredom. I had nothing else to do; and was a bit tired of conversing with myself.

So there you were. This tall, handsome tree tens of meters before me. My eyes would not move. It was as if you were looking back at me. Our gaze met. The connection was established.

“Yes?” I said, puzzled. “Yes?” you responded, with warmth in your tone. Continue reading

The crumbling wall – be patient

I need ou to love me a little louder todayThe wall of pride. How we have slowly built it brick by brick over the years. Out of fear. To protect our seemingly delicate heart. A process so discreet that sometimes even we ourselves don’t realise. That is, until we encounter our strong mirror(s). Someone we so desperately want to reach out to and hold. But we are unable to – as the walls remain strong between us.

Yet we cannot help but reach out. Continue reading

Let’s be honest, let’s get real

Polar bear
Some people probably have noticed I have grown quieter – if it is at all possible. Apparently it is. I have noticed it, too. I have noticed a lot of things in me of late. I noticed I have become more selective in the activities (and people) I prefer to stay engage with.

There are things that do not appeal to me, and things that do. I engage with things that appeal to me, and stay away from those that do not, in a matter-of-fact manner. And they changes over time. Hence not-so-interesting things can sometimes turn to be rather interesting, or the other way around. One is allowed to have a change of heart.

Then I realise, ‘selective’ may not be the appropriate term, for the word implies deliberate act of selection. Mine is not so much a process of selection (through thought-process). Rather, it is a tendency of the heart.
Continue reading

On becoming (spiritual)

IMG_1632Spirituality. We can make it as complicated as we can possibly imagine – for it has its intricacies – or we can stay as simple as we wish to be. Even light and playful.

It is about living from the core. It is about being honest in expressing ourselves. It is about becoming who we are in our original potential. It is about being moved by something Greater – I call It God, Allah. You may call It by any other names you wish, or not, or even not at all.

So it is not some lofty ideas outside of life. Continue reading

Nature speaks

IMG_0706 (1)“It’s been too long,” said the ocean with its usual majestic voice, as I dipped myself by its shore. Its waves warmly enveloped my feet, up to the knees. Washing over my entire being with gladness and relief. Reminding me of what I have been missing. And what has been missing me.

“I apologise. I offer no excuses, for there is none. But I am here now. That’s what matters. So, let’s converse. Let’s pick up where we have left off,” I responded, startled by the immediate engagement to converse.  Continue reading