I told my friend about what I do in my current job. He was surprised and said, welcome back, old Eva. Are you sure you want to be back to that stage again? I asked what stage? He said to those times when I was so busy doing small little things at work.
He was wrong (I hope). That was not the problem. The problem was the fact I had no sense about where I was going in my life. I have no sense of purpose. The problem was I was so caught up at small things in life, worrying about everything, that I lost the big picture. The problem was I was being a perfectionist at work, and I tried too hard to stay connected to everybody. It was eating me up.
Now I feel different. My work has my time from eight a.m. to five p.m. The rest of the day I use for my family, friends and myself. It has my time but not really my soul. My soul stays centered (or at least I try).
Don’t get me wrong. I am still with my high standards. I give my best, I still push for the best, but I am not obsessed by it. I let go off many things. I do not feel the burden anymore.
And I have a sense of direction. This is how I function in the society. For the development of my country. For the betterment of my people. I am just starting. I have a long way to go. But I have a sense of direction.
The childhood and my school years for my basic attitudes. The seven years I spent in the consultancy for my skills and a taste of real life. The one year sabbatical for my soul. The half a year as a freelancer to land me down gently at work life once again. All these lead up to this.
I am ready for this stage of my life. And I thank all the teachers and friends I have met along the way.
My friend was wrong (I hope). I am not really back to where I used to be. I did not do a full circle. It is more like a spiral. Same point – in some sense – but not really.
The only full circle I want to have is when I finally return to God.