Daily Archives: April 10, 2009

strengthening the root

[Bahasa Indonesia]
“So when will you arrive in Jakarta?” asked a friend.
“Insya Allah, God willing, mid April, “ I said.

He chuckled and said, “Insya Allah. So you are still a Moslem, uh?”

I smiled and said, “Of course.” The education has not (and never had the intention to) change my religion. If anything, it has strengthened and deepened (god willing) my understanding of my religion.

So, no worries 😉

do you think you will be different?

[Bahasa Indonesia]
What a question.

My first response was, “I don’t know. You need to ask the people around me back home and see whether they notice any difference in me.”

Second response was, “But I tell you what the theme that is so strong for me during this last months. It is “fix thy mind on Me” and “be still.” So if I can go home with this way of being, if I can fix my mind on Him and be still, allow myself to be educated, I think I shall be fine.” God willing.

During our last conversation as a group, there was a kind reminder how these last six months have helped us to have ‘a taste’, and the taste shall remain with us. We were reminded to keep returning (to Him) and keep asking (Him), especially to ask Him to keep increasing us in knowledge.

And keep companions in the Path with you, they said. It helps to have companions. I sat there and realized how blessed I am, having all those companions here and back home. So blessed.

Towards the end of my stay, I went up the hill to do my usual thing of sitting and conversing with self (or Self?). I asked: “What now? What else do I need to do?” The response was clear and simple: “Good deeper. Fly higher. And Love. Just love.” I smiled. It was the same old thing, but not really.

I knew the education would continue on. I am still learning to leave all the space in my heart to God, preparing it to receive the full impact of the weight the meaning represents and to be a mirror of God’s vision of Himself.

And if all praises belong to Him, then I shall be praising Him every time I look at you—my friends in Beshara and everywhere else in this world—and remember you.

watch the endings

[Bahasa Indonesia]
On the last day of the course, a friend approached me and shared what she had heard in the morning meeting that day. Two things, she said.

One.This is the last day of the course, which means that the course has not ended yet. Even if the actual course has ended, be certain that the education shall continue on.

Two. Watch the endings. Whatever that may mean. Just watch the endings.

So I watched my endings. A rays of feeling—sad that this precious course will ‘end’ soon and we all will go our own way, happy to go home soon, thankful for the opportunity, etc. The day went on as normal—packing, abluting/cleaning rooms, preparing for the end-of-course feast. Chatted and ate during the feast. Cleaning up after that.

My moods fluctuated at that day/evening. Towards the end of the evening, I could not understand my own state. I grew more and more silent. It was time to go.

I left the party early (so sorry to not join the after-dinner occasion. It would have been great if I could come. But it would not be kind to myself.) I found myself walking around outside when I encountered a friend walking towards the dorm.

She made the kindest invitation. “Would you like to go to the monument up in the hill?” she offered. So at midnight, I found myself there, on top of the hill by the monument, pouring my heart out.

This is my ending. What it means, I don’t know. But I am thankful.


[Bahasa Indonesia]
If there is one form of art to master, it would be the art of following.

Even a leader is a follower. He listens intently to his environment and follows its movement, while ensuring that the principles are forever in tact. He does not become the guide and follows the source of all guidance, the real Guide. He follows his pure heart.

To really look. To be still. To be educated. To love. To know. To follow. To be.

All this to help us prepare “a receptivity of the heart pre-ordained where meanings will filter in until the receptacle is so attuned to this meaning that it will lay itself open and ready to receive the full impact of the weight the meaning represents.

This condition is not obtainable either be it by resolve, application or fortitude. It is a gift, directly given by the Giver of all gifts for whatever reason He alone knows why”. A quote from Bulent’s forward in the white Fusus. I hope I have not taken it out of context.

If there is one form of art to master, it would be the art of following.

“We should talk about this problem”

[Bahasa Indonesia]
A(nother) poem by Hafiz. To a beautiful friend.

There is a Beautiful Creature
Living in a hole you have dug

So at night
I set fruit and grains
And little pots of wine and mil
Beside your soft earthen mounds

And I often sing

But still, my dear,
You do not come out

I have fallen in love with Someone
Who hides inside you

We should talk about this problem

I will never leave you alone.

My beautiful friend.

true friendship

[Bahasa Indonesia]
“Hold on to the rope of God in collectivity. Don’t let yourself fall apart.”

It is quoted from Al Qur’an (note to self: must get the reference on the exact chapter and verse).

We think we are in this together. Well, not really. At least, not the way we think it is.

How about this approach: Each of us holds on to the rope of God. We face God individually. Then let Him arrange how we interact between us and how relate to one another. Trust that He is the Best Arranger.

The friendship that grows from there would, God willing, be true friendship, through Him. We would be companions to one another in the path of God. How sweet is that.

By this time, some of you might be wondering what the h*ll has happened to her (meaning, me) with all this talk. Chill out, I’d say. Give me another two minutes and my wit and sarcasm would be back before you know it. Then you’ll be sorry :p