I supposed this text still referred to the knee incident. I had an interview several weeks after the incident (we regularly have interviews with members of the staff about what’s going on with us) and I told my interviewer about this.
I went on and on about all the valuable lessons learned from the incident. She listened intently and attentively. Then she said, “You are being too positive.” Oops.
She was right, of course. I tried to see this in a positively light. Consciously I feel like I have totally accepted what had happened to me. Consciously. By being this positive, I have created a barrier for the ‘negative’ feelings that was swirling (like mad) in my subconscious. Anger. Sadness. Frustration.
I knew she was right. I fully realized that the conversation had touched something in me. Because three days after that, I spent most of the time crying without knowing why I cried.
God, she said, does not really want you to be all positives. He wants you to come to Him as you are—happy, sad, patient, angry, etc. Just come as you are. Don’t hide anything from Him. He accepts and loves you as you are. The question is do you accept and love you as you are? Touché.
The other day we went to visit a Buddhist monastery nearby. We talked about freedom. The monk said that freedom is about being what you really are, doing what you want to do, saying what you want to say.
This is not about being happy and positive all the time. It is about being who you truly are. Accept, be and love it. It is about nodding to everything that comes up and acknowledging it as His education and expression of Love.