watch the endings

[Bahasa Indonesia]
On the last day of the course, a friend approached me and shared what she had heard in the morning meeting that day. Two things, she said.

One.This is the last day of the course, which means that the course has not ended yet. Even if the actual course has ended, be certain that the education shall continue on.

Two. Watch the endings. Whatever that may mean. Just watch the endings.

So I watched my endings. A rays of feeling—sad that this precious course will ‘end’ soon and we all will go our own way, happy to go home soon, thankful for the opportunity, etc. The day went on as normal—packing, abluting/cleaning rooms, preparing for the end-of-course feast. Chatted and ate during the feast. Cleaning up after that.

My moods fluctuated at that day/evening. Towards the end of the evening, I could not understand my own state. I grew more and more silent. It was time to go.

I left the party early (so sorry to not join the after-dinner occasion. It would have been great if I could come. But it would not be kind to myself.) I found myself walking around outside when I encountered a friend walking towards the dorm.

She made the kindest invitation. “Would you like to go to the monument up in the hill?” she offered. So at midnight, I found myself there, on top of the hill by the monument, pouring my heart out.

This is my ending. What it means, I don’t know. But I am thankful.

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