cruising

[Bahasa Indonesia]

“Eva is changing gear. Cruise mode ON.”

That was the status I put on my Facebook page last Friday. It was a true statement to how I felt. Last week felt so fast to me. My days went from morning to late at night. On Friday night, I felt exhausted.

So on Saturday, I decided to slow down (a bit). I spent Saturday morning reading books. Tao Te Ching. Ibn Arabi’s Kernel of the Kernel. Hafiz’s the Gift. I realized how much I missed reading those books. I closed the books smiling, tearfully.

Okay, I thought, let’s breathe and listened. The cruising mode is still on. I continued to listen throughout the weekend, when I sat with my family, when I had coffee with friends, and when I watched TV shows.

The weekend has invited me to live for the moment and live it to the max. Enjoy life to the fullest. I have said that over and over again in the past to a lot of my friends. Perhaps I should say that more often to myself.

It reminded to revisit my intention(s). Why was I doing what I was doing the way I was doing it? When I said I was doing such and such for the other persons’ own good, was I really doing it for them or for my very own self-interest? Was there a better way of doing it? Do allow me to keep the answers to myself.

It reminded me of the true service principle where the only focus of the deed is the object(s) served. I had brilliant examples from some of the friends that I met during the weekend and from my beloved mother, sister, and brother.

On my way home on Sunday night, I turned on my CD player and a tune from Seal embraced me. “…Yesterday it dawned to me. I thought I was slipping away…” I broke down.

Perhaps something inside me felt that I was doing just that. I was slipping away. I have been diverting. It is high time to center myself, to be still, and to provide a true service.

I supposed Hafiz was right when he said that “No One /In need of love/ Can Sit with my verse for an hour/And then walk away without carrying golden tools./ and feeling that God just came near.”

Indeed. Thank you. Thank You.

Can’t wait for July. When I will, God willing, be sitting with friends for days discussing these topics and these writings.

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