“Oh you’re doing fine”

[Bahasa Indonesia]

I was sitting quietly in a Paramadina class a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing Prophet Moses and how God has reassured Moses that He was the Most High, despite Pharaoh’s claim that he (Pharaoh) was his most high lord.

A strange sense of relief suddenly washed through me. I must have been in quite a constricted space, more so than I cared to acknowledge.

Somehow the conversation was saying to me: everything is okay. I might not be doing so well by some people’s standard—most likely including mine, but God has His own standard and a special plan for me. And He was telling me: you are doing just fine.

Occasionally, we have moments of insecurity, uncertainty of where we are, how we are doing and what we are to do about things. That night was probably one of my moments.

Fortunately, because of the ‘education’ that I have gone through, when those moments come, I see this as an invitation or a reminder to stop, be still and listen. Even for a minute.

When I stop and listen, I remember that it is okay to feel such insecurities. This does not mean that I need to stay in that space. But to feel okay about feeling whatever I am feeling allows me to accept things and most importantly myself. Like a child knowing that her mother would always accept (and love) her no matter what. Acceptance is my first step.

When I stop and listen, I remember that I am loved for what I am. Life keep insisting on giving us little hints about this and we often take it for granted.

The very space that is given to me to stop and listen is a potent sign of Love. That discussion at Paramadina was a gentle nudge by my precious ever so playful God to me—reminding me of how He is there for me every step of the way. Such warmth that magnificent sense of Love puts in my heart. Such huge smile it puts on my face.

After that, I am ready to move on to the next step, but to where? Now, I might be the last person to know where I need to go next. I do not know.

I know I need to move on from this state because such is the way of life: full of motion. Each of us has a built-in propeller that helps keep us in motion. It is called Desire. It is that natural urge or tendency towards a thing, whatever that thing may be.

And when I stop and listen, I remember that it is Him—call Him God, Love, Light, Universal Wisdom, or whatever you want—whom I desire.

When I stop and listen, I realise I do not have to do anything.

I am setting my intention to Him and let life takes its course.

First picture was taken from here. The second was a personal collection.

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