Broken words

[Bahasa Indonesia]

“I wonder what it would be like if and when I write a book”
Said I over one lunch time with you
One of the few times that we meet
Which sometimes feel a bit too few for my liking

“Let’s just see what would come out..”
You said, lightly, yet somehow always seems perfect
“Perhaps like those little anecdotes without explanation, just like what you often write on your other blog
“Or maybe in the form of poems, like what you used to write on this blog”
You added, with those soft, gentle eyes gazing
Always warming, always calming

Poems, ah, I almost have forgotten
About that writing style of mine
Which I actually like, very much so
When speech no longer able to form
A train of perfect words we call sentences
When there is not more to utter
But broken words

And I truly realize

Whenever the stroke of my pen has turned into broken words
That could be because I no longer am capable of constructing perfect sentences
It does not feel necessary anymore, nor was I able, to say more
Expressions become raw, unrefined
What comes out, is honest, deep and from the heart

This chain of words have been trimmed without any effort on my part
Without any excess of unnecessary words
Or words that have been added solely for the purpose of
Making the piece pretty and understandable

I know,

When my writing has turned into broken words
In Indonesian, I would use the word “aku”, a more personal, informal form of “I”, rather than the usual “saya”
I am no longer comfortable of using a third person singular
Which would only blur the depth of what I am saying
So, I use a second person singular, “you”

Because I am writing for you
No, not really, I am actually writing for me
With you as my perfect mirror
Which always remind me of the beauty
That shines abundantly from you, from me

So that you would really feel
That I am being honest with you
That I speak from my heart, and hopefully to yours too
Whoever “you” might be in this particular instant
Perhaps only you would know, or maybe even you would not realize

Those broken words
Are what I am trying to revive
As part of my attempt to be true again
To you, but in all honesty, primarily to me

I want to be how I am, as I am
Without minding what you would think of me
And even with disregard to what I think of me

How beautiful it would be if we can be as simple as just being
Honest, deep and from the heart

Thank you. For reminding me. Of me.

Broken chain picture:
Handwriting picture:

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