Apparently longing…

[Bahasa Indonesia]

a.k.a Longing (I)

Apparently longing
Doesn’t necessarily dissolve upon encounter
Like how I felt
The last time we were together

The clock was ticking, and we were drowned
In intimate converse, spread with a dash of laughter and occasional silence
With nothing—or no one—between us
Until it was time to part

After that,
Instead of quenched
The longing magnified
Even until now

I have started to taste, however brief
Sip, however fleeting
The potion of longing, love, sparkles, and whatever

That Rumi expressed in his poems
About thirst that becomes thirstier as he drank
Or the smooth whisper of Hafiz
When he talked about his Beloved
Or the love sonnet of Ibn Arabi
In Tarjuman Al Ashwaq

Apology, I did not mean to compare or to ridicule
I know, they obviously tell
About Something that is far Greater
About Longing and True Love

But, am I 100% wrong?
I doubt it, this feeling does not deceive

What’s more
Aren’t you no other
Than His expression–the You with the capital “Y”, the essence of every being?
Aren’t we all signs of His Existence?
The Most Beautiful, The Love, The Abundance

Perhaps you are here to teach me something
Something beautiful
About you, about Him, about me
About love, About Love
About being, about being as we are, as I am, as you are, as things are
About non-imposed expression
About unstoppable honesty
About inexplicable restlessness and pride
About acceptance, embrace and flow
About laying my head down, about relief
About lightness, ease, and naturalness
About spontaneous smile
About small that becomes large
And great that becomes trivial
About loving, loved, and love, as well as Love
All because of my being aware of the glimpses of you

Because you symbolise all those
The combination of feelings that had not been
And if His signs are like this
How He truly is, is unimaginable
I am curious

And in this longing
I sat in silence
Remembering the togetherness that has just passed
The longing drenches all of me yet again

I realise something else
How I tend to share
Sadness and restlessness with you
When what I now feel, and what underlies then
Is gratitude, compassion, happiness
Relief, acceptance, naturalness, embrace and various other
Whenever I am with you, because I am with you

I begin to wonder, do you know?
I begin to want, you to know

Perhaps the next time we meet up
I would say to you
“I don’t want to ask anything, nor do I want to complain
I just want to thank you
For you, for your presence”

Too much?

What if I change every “you”
To “You” with a capital “Y”?
And let’s read this piece all over again, from the beginning

Does it feel more appropriate and respectful?
Or does it become more confusing?


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