To fully realising the true Me.
To be wherever He wants me to be. To witness what He wants me to witness. In awe and gratitude.
To be a rahmatan-lil-alamin (blessings to the world).
And when I am that—when I am already with Him, I am happy, I love and am loved, and when I am becoming me—as I believe I am, I simply want more. Until that “I” is no more.
I recently conversed with a friend on a similar topic. What would I like to be in life? I said, I want to be a servant of God. My friend asked what a more practical answer for me would be. I went silent. I didn’t know how it could get more practical than that.
I said if I get more detailed or ‘practical’ than that, I might get disappointed, sad, confused, distraught, etc. when I find out that I have misunderstand what is demanded of me. If I claim certain specific qualities or goals to achieve, what if He has other plans? He knows best.
So a safer, simpler, and ‘easier’ approach is just to be His servant. To listen, to follow, and to response accordingly. And even in that, we constantly ask for Guidance. To surrender—as the word “Islam” suggested.
I don’t know how I can explain the word “surrender”, nor can I tell you how to do so, perhaps because I still do not have a full grasp of the word. But I know this: You and I recognize that sensation of surrendering. That sensation, is the taste, and is the understanding needed. That surrendering, that relaxation, is how we need to be. As everything has truly been taken care of.
This view of life has made my life so much simpler and lighter. I listen more, to myself and to what’s going on around me. I feel like I am a kinder person now, and I like it. I also find that when I am kinder to myself, I am kinder to those around me too. I like it even more! I guess MJ was right when he said, “if you want to make a world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change.”
I try (“try” is the operative word here) as best as I can not to impose judgement; and when I do, I recognize it as a subjective judgement which may not be the truth, which reflects me rather than what/whom I am judging about.
I try to be honest, to feel my center, and to allow what comes up in me to come up. If I am moved to do something, then I do it. If I am moved to say something, then I say it—after recognizing whether I am responding with anger, with ego, or with something purer.
I notice my thoughts, feelings and emotions more. Here, too, I try not to impose judgment. More often, I just say to myself, “Interesting, I still react that way to such and such.” Then I let it be. I am okay with me being happy, sad, angry, etc. I know it is just where I am now, and that is fine.
I rest when I feel tired. I stop when I feel like I am on a limb or moving too fast for too long. I stay silent when I have no positive or productive remarks to make. I converse with my close friends, read books, listen to recordings, attend gatherings, write, meditate, walk about, etc, whenever I need some oasis to freshen myself and help me return.
I say thank you when I feel grateful. I smile whenever I remember. I cry when I feel like it. I say I love you to those that I love. I am more honest to myself—and some I share with other people, especially those who are close with me.
I pray for guidance and for closeness. I pray for knowledge and for love. I pray that He would not let me be alone with myself for His sake. I stop, turn and prostrate–whenever I remember.
I take life easier and with more humor. I feel I accept, appreciate and embrace myself and other people (or other being) more. I focus on what (I think) matters. Effort has a different sensation to me now–it’s about being at that moment at that place fully, doing what’s been put in front of me, knowing that this is where I need to be, this is my work at the moment, and I am (hopefully) doing this out of love and gratitude.
At this point of writing, I realise I didn’t address your question directly. I am talking more about the journey and not the destination. Perhaps the destination is clear: Him; without further quality or specification. To me no further elaboration is needed here. It is journey that is now my business. May He guide me and you, as He is the attorney and the best trustee.
And I shall do this, until I am constantly at the still point, until there is no more “I”.“
At the still point of the turning world,
There the dance is… and there is only the dance.” (T.S.Elliot)