An English translation of the previous post, which I wrote in Indonesian. Some posts are simply worth writing in both languages.
I actually thank You for my life as a whole. So much ease and abundance that you have unceasingly pour into my life.
But for now, I want to be specific. I want to thank You for the feast that You have provided in the last three days for me, and–let me be selfish, just for me.
I thank You for the three days that I spent with a group of magnificent people.
They are still young and come from a very modest family and background. But these are not hindrance.
While I was with them, all I hear was gratitude and determination to always be beneficial to themselves and to all beings in the universe. To become rahmatan lil alamin. Their modesty and young age is not hindrance, rather, it is their capital and strength that make this whole thing even more complete.
Your troops with the ultimate weapon of the Love that You have so strongly planted in their heart. Amazing.
I thank You for the chance to witness all of these. To see. To verily.
I thank You for putting me in Your environment. An environment so thickly imbued with beauty and colored with all Your Beautiful Names. May it drench and color my whole being.
I thank You for Your permission to taste how it feels to be accepted, respected and embraced as I am. To be reminded how innocence can be so freeing.
I thank You for the opportunity to experience when a group of individuals have transformed into a single organism that collectively move naturally, automatically, and willingly in such harmony and love for one another.
I thank you for all the light and serious chats, spontaneous comments, funny, kind jokes, freeing laughter and all the pleasant surprises that warm the heart and bring smile to the face.
I thank You to have been placed in the position of not knowing and surrender. To be guided into stillness and listening, gladly.
In my not knowing, in my surrender, in my listening, I realize my inability and come to be aware of Your presence and help down to every little detail in every single second. Your whisper, Your reach, Your greeting, Your smile, Your blessing, Your strength — It is all You. Not me.
I am moved by and for You. I like that. The outcome is so much better than when I think I move with my own force using this limited knowledge of mine.
I thank You for reminding me of Your beautiful Compassion and Your closeness that is closer than my jugular vein.
I thank You for informing me of my preference. And my preference is: You. I am at ease with you. You went further, You also gave me companions for my travel. Companions who are dancing to the same rhythm, who are in the same frequency, in one being, and with one, same, preference: You.
I thank You for inspiring me the consciousness that I have already boarded to Your ship, safe and sound.
As Rumi said, in the ark of Noah, stop swimming. I am on board your ship. Now I can act as a person who is already safe. Already fully accepted and at ease with You and the place where you have put me. Like a child who knows and feels that she is unconditionally loved by her parents, I am now free to become who I am.
I thank You for these last three days. You have not left anything in my being accept surrender (willingly and happily), my willingness to walk in your rhythm, my silence, my gratitude, my awe to You. Happy.
In these three days, You have not showed me anything but Your Grandeur, Your Benevolence, Your Compassion, Your Presence in every detail, Your Suppleness, Your Closeness, Your Lightness, and Your Gentleness.
Thank You for my smooth travel to and from the place.
Thank you because as I arrived home, I found my house in a safe condition, lacking of nothing. I found my family healthy, safe and loving to one another.
So, Lord, I thank You. For these three days. For the journey that I have walked upon. And for my future.
May this taste be strongly planted and forever be in my heart. May this taste move me as how You determine me to be. May this feeling radiate to my surrounding and the whole universe.
Note: These last three days, I have the pleasure to attend a ‘retreat’ program themed Life as an Expression of Gratitude, which was completed with self discovery and Qur’an study sessions with friends from Rumah Kait/BSB Alang-Alang Plus – a movement to provide modest families (especially mothers and children) with free education and vocational training.