“I am not a writer”

old_typewriter_by_israfelx-d558xvx“I am not a writer.” That response just came up while I was chatting with a dear friend. I told her I was not writing much these past weeks. I found this peculiar. It happened at about the time I was being true(r) to myself, more so than I had ever been in the past.

I said, “So I am being honest about what I am. I discover my passions. I allow myself to flow with them. Yet, I cannot write a single sentence about how I have been, or what I have gone through. I would have thought that when I am truer to myself, my writing would get easier.”

As I was speaking, and implicitly posing the question of why I am not writing at honest times such as this, a response came, “Because I am not a writer.” Fascinating.

The response startled me. I llet it flow, out loud, so that my friend could also hear it. “I am not a writer. I am whatever He wants me to be at any given time.”

It’s consistent with what I have been going through. I wanted to flow. So He let me flow. Even in a current when there is no writing involved. Flow. I have shifted myself so manytimes, so why not this? There goes another identity down the drain.

“I am whatever He wants me to be at any given time.” A statement with many implications. It implies that He is currently at work, responding to my request to be whom He intended me to be. It implies (total) surrender – as total as humanly possible, happily so. It implies being the Beloved to the Lover – who is the Beloved and who is the Lover?

I would love to write further,but cannot find any more words at the moment. Perhaps this is what needs to be declared at this moment. Perhaps later we can chat some more about this or some other things.

May the conversation continue. May He make it easy for me, and for you.

Picture from here.

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