I am saying goodbye

white-tailed-buck-virginia-deer-at-springbrook-prairie-photo-by-brian-tang
I am saying goodbye to the you in my mind. The you that I have shaped in the forms of subjective memories and impressions. The you that I have been secretly holding so close to myseld. I am letting go of the boundaries that I have put around you and around us. For I sense the vast praire which you and I can roam about, far beyond those boundaries.

I thank you for the precious realisation that only you can ignite. For the patience and desire to be with me throughout this crossed path of ours. I thank you for this wonderful feelings you have brought up, and the not so desirable emotions too. For the baseless strong emotions that crept (ro zoomed) up. For the serenity of the moments.

Much of them have nothing to do with you per se. It is my repressed memories and emotions that have remained dormant for a while. It is all me and my processes. Or rather, it is life being played in this theater of (non-)existence.

I am sorry for … actually, I cannot continue this sentence. I am not sorry for anything. This is too precious to be sorry for.

I have a confession to make. Now that I have said thus far. The saying goodbye is just an intention I set in my heart. Whether it is going to let go of itself and dissolve, it is entirely up to it. There is nothing anyone can do about it. There is no need to do anything about it. I am giving permission to this process to find its completion.

Just to realise it, even only this far, is enough for now. To feel this gratitude and the feeling that all is okay and well, is an abundance.

The fact – if we can call it that – is you are still in my life and I am still in yours, for now. That means our crossed path is not over yet. Let it unfold. Let us be.

And another thing. I love you. That has not changed either. I used to think that it was love. Then I thought it was something else. Now I have returned to my first conclusion and given up denying: it is love, and I have a feeling it is going to stay that way. This time, however, it feels freeing and less personal.

Now go, love, wherever love’s camel takes you. Please know, I am here.

May you be happy. May I be happy. May all beings be happy.

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