When friends asked me about my biggest learning from my six month courses at Beshara, UK, I used to say: “I have become more of myself. I have allowed myself to become however I am at each moment, more so than before. “ Always. The same answer to the same question.
That is, until recently. Last week a friend posed that question. I’d like to say “that question again,” but that’s not entirely the case – yes, I have been asked that question several times, but, no, not from him, and not at that particular time (in life).
That time, I let the question seep into myself a bit more. “Yes, what have I learned?” I asked myself quietly and waited for the response. There it was. A different response crept up. A fresh response to a fresh question.
It is not only about me being more of myself. It is more than that. (Or is it actually less? As it is personal and non-personal at the same time. This is another blog post though. Anyway …) There was – and still is – an ongoing process of establishment within. I can see where I want to go and where I am going. There is alignment. Certainty. Gladness. Establishment.
Alignment. It is a process of alignment. I am being aligned to what I am. A redirection of some sort. I believe that each of us has a specific outer purpose in this world – a role and function in this universe that only we can do. We will be at our best – and to me that implies we are most beneficial to the world – if we allow ourselves to be us. If we allow ourselves to be moved, and to say yes to this process.
Certainty. It is like, I know where I am going, and I want to go there. Something in me confirms that that’s the direction I am essentially inclined to face, and that direction is You. It is vast, bright and spacious. How generous. I may not know where it is heading exactly or what I am going to find at each point of the journey, but that is okay. I trust. I am certain of Your guidance and kindness.
Gladness. Naturally a sense of joy sprang up. A sense of relief and lightness. A letting go. A letting be. An experience of settling into a comfortable place named me in Your compassionate hands. The most comfortable place of all.
Establishment. It is light and heavy at the same time – there is solidity and firmness. Like a tree strongly rooted on Mother Earth. There is conviction in the heart, too. A promise I pledge to stay true, gladly so, to the process, knowing for certain that this is my place, for it is what I love and how I love to love. It is Love Itself.
I often have the image of dust particles in water settling in when I think of this process, turning murky water into a clear one. I opt for clarity — a humane preference. Now I realise the dust particles are not bad. They make us who we are. Even to say that the dust particles were misplaced feels disrespecful at this point. For God makes no mistake. It is the quality of the underlying sand and floating planktons that color the sea and makes it unique and beautiful.
This is my journey. Yours would be different, although not really. As Rumi says,”The bottles may appear to be different, but the wine inside them is the same.”
God knows best and He guides the Way.
Pictures taken from here.