Some people probably have noticed I have grown quieter – if it is at all possible. Apparently it is. I have noticed it, too. I have noticed a lot of things in me of late. I noticed I have become more selective in the activities (and people) I prefer to stay engage with.
There are things that do not appeal to me, and things that do. I engage with things that appeal to me, and stay away from those that do not, in a matter-of-fact manner. And they changes over time. Hence not-so-interesting things can sometimes turn to be rather interesting, or the other way around. One is allowed to have a change of heart.
Then I realise, ‘selective’ may not be the appropriate term, for the word implies deliberate act of selection. Mine is not so much a process of selection (through thought-process). Rather, it is a tendency of the heart.
So perhaps, I have grown to be more honest to myself and about myself – in expressing my true preference. No dilly dally. No wishy washy. Nor can I help but.
This also applies to social life. I mean, people. I am drawn to certain people, while tending to stay polite with others. This too changes over time.
Often times, it is not so much the people per se that makes me want to maintain a socially accepted distance. It is more about the honesty that we are prepared to share with each other, i.e. how willing we are to be real to each other.
I emphasise the words “each other” here, as it is also about my being prepared to share a piece of my honest self with them, with you, for whatever reason, and vice versa.
If you are prepared to put your cards on the table, to bare your vulnerable, beautiful soul, and you are all for expressing your honest self, sharing whatever is going on within, being true to the core as best as you can – and that may mean being your silly self whenever you want to, or rant about everyday life, or talk about the weather and the new shoe trends, if that is really really what you want to talk about – and if you are serious about becoming, then I am game for it. Let’s chat, engage, and even do something together.
But if you want to beat around the bush, then perhaps some other time.
We have been given enough tools, enough energy, and enough time to do whatever we need to do in life and enjoy it to the fullest. Enough, that is, not more, not less. So let’s not waste it.
Let’s be honest. Let’s get real. Let’s become. I shall start with myself.
Post script: There are exceptions. There are special kinds of people whom I hold so dear in my heart, for reasons which I know not nor I care much. For these select people, I am here and prepared. Always. For these people, I am willing to dedicate my life to their becoming. You know who you are.