The traffic was rather easy that morning. I was on my way to buy some food to bring home. I stopped at the red light. The car on my right stopped, too, despite being on the lane for those who want to make a U-turn. The cars behind it honked repeatedly. It would not buldge. Another ordinary weekend morning in town.
Then I noticed: I was not upset with the repeated honking of the other cars. Nor was I disturbed by the car who stopped at the right-most lane. I was okay with that. I noticed them, and then, that is it. There was no other thought or emotion following that thought. It was how it was, and that is it.
I zoomed out. A similar feeling occured. I was okay with everything. I mean, really okay. I felt content and fulfilled. My life is by no means neither perfect nor complete by modern standards. But at that moment, it was crystal clear to me that everything was just right.
How curious. I felt happy. Not an estatic, jumping about happiness, but a subtler one. Happiness that laid an undertone to just about anything in life. I felt even happier. I felt happy for being happy.
Contentment seems to have become a rare commodity. Yet it is innate. So innate that when we lose touch with it, we become restless and spend our waking hours seeking it relentlessly — and our sleeping times dreaming about it.
As with many other things in life, we seek it in various different places. In different places but rarely in that one place: within. Because within is just often too scary of a place to go to — the pain, the memories, the internal chatter, the self-imposed goals, the imprints of our upbringing, and many others that feel too dark to touch.
Little that we realise that however thick and dense those feel like, they are but a thin layer built over the years to cover up who we are in potential — the repose, the presence, the wisdom, the freedom, the inner guide, or in short: our Light.
The inward movement felt counter-intuitive at first. It requires us to unlearn so many things in life that we have obtained thus far. From independence, to complete dependence. From planning, to flowing. From determining, to following. From anticipating, to trusting. From strength, to weakness. From ever moving, to being still. From voice, to silence. From every thing, to no thing. From richness, to poverty. From existence, to subsistence. From defensiveness, to being exposed. From strength, to fragility. From knowing it all, to not knowing anything.
Then there is another phase. From complete dependence, to finding the true source whom we can depend upon. From flowing, to ‘meeting’ that which arrange the flow. From following, to recognising that which lead us. From trusting, to understanding that whose power we put our trust on. From weakness, to being held by the real strength. From stillness, to moving from stillness. From silence, to expressing out of silence. From no thing, back to everything and more. From poverty, to knowing that which is rich beyond needs. From subsistence, to realising the real existence. From being exposed, to freedom to be. From fragility, to knowing the true strength. From not knowing anything, like being in the dark, to Light.
That initial step, however dodgy looking or peculiar, is for us to take. Life would like us to do so.
“As for you, O the content person; return to your Lord pleasing and pleased; enter in amongst My servants; enter My Paradise.” QS 89:27-30