Category Archives: life

What is it that you truly long for, at this moment?

That question paid me a visit earlier today—upon asking myself what question I had at that moment. I posted the very same question on social media. The response I had from friends were: coffee, quietude, their bed, their apartment, water (it was still a Ramadhan fasting period), relief of headache, their mom and dad, nature, mom’s cooking, and peaceful mind.

Despite being deceivingly mundane, I appreciate my friends’ responses as honest expressions of longing. Basic, simple, light, and immediate; nothing long term, heavy, or complex. There was a need for relief and relaxation; a deeper wish than one might care to admit.

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qbp8rieBapak Ibu saya adalah orang Jawa. Sayangnya hingga kini saya belum bisa berbahasa Jawa dengan baik karena di rumah Bapak Ibu memutuskan untuk berbicara Bahasa Indonesia. Sudah lama saya ingin belajar. Saya sudah mulai sedikit-sedikit. Mencoba berbicara dan bertanya kepada Ibu atau saudara saya di rumah bagaimana mengatakan ini atau itu.

Suatu kali, saya menaruh tulisan di Facebook dalam Bahasa Jawa. Namanya belajar. Jadi ada yang belum sempurna. Alih-alih diberi masukan untuk perbaikan, beberapa respon menertawakan bahasa Jawa saya. Bahkan dikatakan sudahlah, kembali ke berbicara Bahasa Inggris saja sebagaimana biasa.

Sejenak saya tertegun. Ada rasa sakit ditertawakan seperti itu. Saya tanggapi, “Jangan ditertawakan donk. Bantu saya memperbaikinya”. Dengan baik hati, teman-teman membantu menyempurnakan kalimat yang saya tulis.

Kejadian ini telah lama berlalu. Yang menarik, rasa sakit yang sejenak muncul itu masih terasa di saya. Rupanya rasa sakit lama. Bukan semata karena Bahasa Jawa saya jauh dari sempurna. Tetapi karena rasa sakit akibat ditertawakan dan dicemooh secara umum, yang rupanya masih bersemayam dalam bawah sadar saya. Continue reading

Dengan hati


Foto: Pagelaran Matah Ati, Solo, 2012

Mereka yang hidup dengan hati adalah orang-orang terkaya di dunia. Bukan karena mereka punya lebih, tapi karena mereka sadar apa yang mereka miliki. Karunia tak terkira jumlah dan kadarnya, hadir semata sebagai hadiah dari Sang Maha Kasih, Maha Sayang. Sesederhana napas — hadir bukan dari kemampuan diri, namun bwana alit bwana agung yang tak henti bekerja sama mengalirkan prana ke dalam dan luar diri.

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Let’s be honest, let’s get real

Polar bear
Some people probably have noticed I have grown quieter – if it is at all possible. Apparently it is. I have noticed it, too. I have noticed a lot of things in me of late. I noticed I have become more selective in the activities (and people) I prefer to stay engage with.

There are things that do not appeal to me, and things that do. I engage with things that appeal to me, and stay away from those that do not, in a matter-of-fact manner. And they changes over time. Hence not-so-interesting things can sometimes turn to be rather interesting, or the other way around. One is allowed to have a change of heart.

Then I realise, ‘selective’ may not be the appropriate term, for the word implies deliberate act of selection. Mine is not so much a process of selection (through thought-process). Rather, it is a tendency of the heart.
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On becoming (spiritual)

IMG_1632Spirituality. We can make it as complicated as we can possibly imagine – for it has its intricacies – or we can stay as simple as we wish to be. Even light and playful.

It is about living from the core. It is about being honest in expressing ourselves. It is about becoming who we are in our original potential. It is about being moved by something Greater – I call It God, Allah. You may call It by any other names you wish, or not, or even not at all.

So it is not some lofty ideas outside of life. Continue reading

Nature speaks

IMG_0706 (1)“It’s been too long,” said the ocean with its usual majestic voice, as I dipped myself by its shore. Its waves warmly enveloped my feet, up to the knees. Washing over my entire being with gladness and relief. Reminding me of what I have been missing. And what has been missing me.

“I apologise. I offer no excuses, for there is none. But I am here now. That’s what matters. So, let’s converse. Let’s pick up where we have left off,” I responded, startled by the immediate engagement to converse.  Continue reading

Hingga yang kaucinta merasa bebas

“Mencintalah sedemikian hingga yang kaucinta merasa (ter)bebas(kan).” Demikian ujar Thich Nhat Hanh. Sebuah sapaan yang terus lekat di hati. Aku dapat merasakan kebenaran yang ia kandung. Aku pun dapat merasakan lengketnya kalimat itu setiap ia melintas dalam kesadaranku. Sebuah pekerjaan rumah yang belum tuntas dalam sekolah kehidupanku.
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Let yourself be the dance of nature

The tree just stood there, awesome and strong as he was. He was quiet though. How curious. Why did he want me here if he had nothing to say? The previous night I had felt his vast-reaching presence and I was drawn to return.

So I did. Deep in the night. During these powerful moments before the dawn, with the moon finding her subtle way to shower her Light over me. But the tree was quiet. He was breathing slow and deep. His chest barely moving.

Go deeper within, he whispered. Be more silent. Be ever still. Relax. I concured, allowing him to guide me. My whole being reposed, planting its root solidly in Mother Earth. The night grew darker, and the tree even quieter. I did not know it was even possible.

From the kernel of such solemn quietude, the tree transformed himself before me, as if he was breathing out, or blooming. Continue reading